{"id":1328,"date":"2015-03-23T12:29:55","date_gmt":"2015-03-23T17:29:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/?p=1328"},"modified":"2015-04-01T01:39:57","modified_gmt":"2015-04-01T06:39:57","slug":"im-your-boss-not-your-friend-10-reasons-why-your-boss-shouldnt-be-your-friend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/im-your-boss-not-your-friend-10-reasons-why-your-boss-shouldnt-be-your-friend\/","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m Your Boss, Not Your Friend: 10 Reasons Why Your Boss Shouldn\u2019t Be Your Friend"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"i_am_your_boss\"Is it ever OK for a manager to be friends with their employees?<\/p>\n

Believe me, this isn\u2019t just a question brand new manager\u2019s struggle with (and most of them do). It\u2019s an issue a lot of experienced managers are questioned about as well, and many of them don\u2019t think it\u2019s a problem at all.<\/p>\n

The issue of \u201cbuddy to boss\u201d might not be as black and white as you might think. Conventional management and HR 101 wisdom would tell you it\u2019s absolutely not OK. In fact, some companies might even try to outlaw it through \u201ccronyism\u201d policies.<\/p>\n

However, in the real world of work, emotions and relationships can\u2019t be governed by policy. Workplace relationships are can be extremely tricky, just as personal or family relationships can be.<\/p>\n

Managers are not robots \u2013 they have feelings and emotions. Sometimes you can\u2019t help but like one employee more than another. Sometimes workplace romances blossom between managers and employees (that\u2019s a whole other issue). So how can they be expected to just turn those emotions off when they enter company property?<\/p>\n

Maybe it would be helpful to take a look at the definition of \u201cfriend\u201d. According to Merriam-Webster, a friend is \u201cone attached to another through affection or esteem; one that is not hostile, a favoured companion\u201d.<\/p>\n

Hmmm, I\u2019ve been a manager for a long time, and that would be how I would describe A LOT of my employees. In fact, I would even use stronger words to describe my relationship with some past employees \u2013 words like close, supportive, caring, trusting, warm, fun, and respectful. I really enjoyed spending time with my employees, individually and in a group. We laughed, we cried, and we fought \u2013 just like friends, right?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve said to more than one employee \u201cYou know, if I wasn\u2019t your manager, I bet we could be great friends!\u201d<\/p>\n

Have I muddied the waters enough or raised a shadow of doubt?<\/p>\n

Actually, this is one of those issues that as muddy as it may be, it turns out the conventional management and HR 101 wisdom is right on.<\/p>\n

No matter how close a manager may feel to an employee, it should never be confused with a real \u201cfriendship\u201d. You might be a \u201cfriendly\u201d boss, and maybe even share some of the characteristics of a true friendship. You might even call it \u201ca friend with boundaries\u201d. However, the role of a manager transcends friendship and creates a boundary and potential scenarios that would never exist between true friends.<\/p>\n

There are at least 10 reasons why it\u2019s a bad idea for a manager and employee to call themselves friends, including:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. It will create a perception of favouritism. Even if you think you\u2019re being 100% fair and unbiased, you\u2019ll always be subject to being second guessed.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
      \n
    1. You may not even realise it, but other employees are probably letting your \u201cfriends\u201d get away with more, thinking that you\u2019re going to protect them or side with them.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
        \n
      1. If you allow yourself to get emotionally attached to one employee \u2013 for whatever reason \u2013 but not another, those emotions will consciously or unconsciously influence decisions around raises, redundancies, assignments, promotions, etc…<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
          \n
        1. If you see an employee as a \u201cfriend\u201d, you\u2019ll have expectations of that employee that are unrealistic or inappropriate for an employee. \u201cWell gosh, a friend would never do that, or should do that, or should tell me everything, etc…\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
            \n
          1. On the other hand, your friend employee may have expectations of you that are unrealistic or unprofessional, such as sharing confidential information, or always giving them advance notice, or doing special little \u201cfriendly\u201d favours for them.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
              \n
            1. As a manager, part of your job is to judge your employees, to give constructive feedback, and sometimes to discipline them, even fire them. Does this sound like something a friend would do to another friend?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
                \n
              1. Although this threat never seems to scare managers, yes, it\u2019s true \u2013 you and company could get sued. You are exposing yourself and your company to the risk of discrimination lawsuits. Don\u2019t think it never happens\u2026 it does. That\u2019s why HR people are so crazy about the issue \u2013 they are trying to protect your backside.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
                  \n
                1. ALL employees need to complain about their bosses now and then, even the best managers. You\u2019re kidding yourself if you think you\u2019re immune from this. However, if you see your employees as friends, you\u2019re more likely to take it personally.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
                    \n
                  1. Friends let their hair down outside of work and sometimes do silly things with each other. Managers are supposed to set examples and be role models. So, as a \u201cmanager-friend,\u201d you\u2019re either going to be a boring uptight, friend, or an unprofessional, immature manager. You pick. And by the way, your own manager may not appreciate those pictures of you and the gang all over employee Facebook pages.\n
                    <\/div>\n

                    Can you socialise with your employees? Or go out for a drink? Sure, but just make it a habit to stick to one drink and be the first to leave (to give them time to complain about you), or at least not the last to leave.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                      \n
                    1. Some employees may find your attempts to be friends as personally intrusive, or inappropriate. They might even find your \u201cadvances\u201d to be creating a hostile work environment, and again, exposing yourself and your company to that old lawsuit thing.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                      What do you think? Is it ever<\/em> OK for a manager to be friends with their employees?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                      Is it ever OK for a manager to be friends with their employees? Believe me, this isn\u2019t just a question brand new manager\u2019s struggle with (and most of them do). It\u2019s an issue a lot of experienced managers are questioned about as well, and many of them don\u2019t think it\u2019s a problem at all. The… I\u2019m Your Boss, Not Your Friend: 10 Reasons Why Your Boss Shouldn\u2019t Be Your Friend<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":36,"featured_media":1330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"","neve_meta_container":"","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"","neve_meta_content_width":0,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"","neve_meta_disable_footer":"","neve_meta_disable_title":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[408],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1328","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-management-leadership"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1328","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/36"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1328"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1328\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1415,"href":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1328\/revisions\/1415"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1330"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1328"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1328"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/flevy.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1328"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}